A Day at The Big Apple Circus

This past weekend, courtesy of Mommy's Links, I was able to take my two youngest children to The Big Apple Circus at Cunningham Park.

We started our Sunday morning, as we do every Sunday...at breakfast with my family. The kids enjoyed pancakes and cherry lemonade at a local restaurant, B.A.D. Burger, where the food is super yummy! Once finished with breakfast we waited for the kids grandma who would be joining us at the circus. Upon her arrival, we began our adventure to get our "Dance On" with Grandma the Clown. The weather was not ideal and the parking situation was a drab! But we would not let that deter us from experiencing the fun under the big top.

This is what we saw walking into the big top:

Darkness filled the tent but the lights of the props were amazing! Did I forget to mention our seats?! We were 5 rows back from ringside...awesome seats! The artists who performed were not to shabby either. There were gumby-like acrobats whose bodies twisted in ways you wouldn't think even possible. A high flying rope artists, and DOGS! Yep, doggies! They were super cute and amazing. The kids eyes would light up everytime a new act came out...why...because the lighting and music made for an awesome entrance for each act!

And of course, the best part of the show, in my opinion and that of my kids, GRANDMA!!!
Grandma the Clown, was super funny and made the whole show!

After the show was over, we went out and purchased our souvenirs...they chose light up swords...figures! Boys! Lol. Asking them if they liked the show, they cheered loudly and said "YEAH!".

All in all, the circus was fun and we would like to give a special thanks to Mommy's Links and The Big Apple Circus for allowing us to be a part of this great event!

Give and Take

When is giving too much? Do you ever find yourself giving to people and feeling used because there is never a reciprocation? Do you find that people call you when in need, but when you are the one in need everyone's busy or will call you later? Or how bout the person in your life that calls you, texts you and comes to see you because they need something but once it's done, they are no where to be found or pick fights with you for no damn reason! I'm sure, if you are like me, you answered yes to a least one if not all!

In my life I feel like this everyday! Being a mom of three boys is hard enough and then you throw in money, food, extracurricular activities, looking for a better job, finding a suitable caretaker, dealing with other situations, and maintaining my home!! With all that, I still get the, Chris, can you...? Chris, I need... Chris, help me...Mom, I need .... Mom, can I..? Mom, Chris....always always always...never a break! It gets very overwhelming. And it projects onto others and then I end up feeling crappy!


I guess maybe it just reflects on me that I am a giver. I am that person who people come to when in need. But who is on the other end helping me when I'm in need? It gets overwhelming and an outlet is necessary! 


Lately, I have been getting irritated with the slightest things! One day a couple of weeks ago, I went shopping with all three boys and I had to drop everything in the store and leave,.I couldn't take the bickering and hearing myself one hundred times calling my kids names in the store. I can only imagine if I was feeling that way...what must the other shoppers be feeling. Yesterday, after a long day with my boys and all the stress...my stomach went into an uproar! I think my body is trying to talk to me...TAKE A BREAK!!! But how can I take a break? Where can I hide? I mean even locking myself in the bathroom in a hot tub is not resting. Kids banging on the door for no reason just because I am not in their line of sight! I can hear it in my head, the famous catchphrase, "Calgon, take me away!" 


Anyone feel like this too? 


I mean this is just my two cents...but they count!

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Friends, Enemies or Frenemies?

You know the saying, "keeps your friends close and your enemies closer"..hence the term frenemies. According to Urbandictionary.com there are 3 pages of definitions of this term. One of them is: "An enemy disguised as a friend".

How many of you have frenemies? How many of you are the frenemy? Do you keep "friends" around because you need to know all that is going on? Or you need to get information that only they can get you? Where is the line drawn between friends, enemies and frenemies?

To me, friendship is the third most sacred bond, behind marriage and love of your child. I have friendships that have been a part of my life for almost its entirety. But over the years, I have made enemies and frenemies. When I was in High School, the girlfriend of one of my boyfriends friend transferred into our school. She knew no one but me, my bf and her bf. I took her under my wing, introduced her around school and help her socialize. What happened later was how a friend becomes and enemy and how somehow I was her frenemy.
Her boyfriend had been known around school as a casanova but she didn't know that until she got there. When she started to hear rumors of his ways, she decided he needed to feel her pain. One night, when I was supposed to go out with my friends...my plans changed and I stayed home. They went and had a good time. What I didn't know was she would tell them a story about a tryst with my boyfriend. Boy, when that got back to me, it was on! I was her friend! How could she do that to me?! Forget the fact that if it was true, my boyfriend was toast but she was my friend. I trusted her not to break the bond. Long story short, it was all a lie made up to make her boyfriend mad and to hurt him the best way she knew how....making him believe she slept with his best friend! Though it was high school and looking back now it seems so petty back then it was everything. That was the first time in my life that someone had used me as their frenemy. She and I remained acquaintances because she was know a part of my large circle of friends. But I never again allowed her to be that friend. She was an outcast and everyone knew it. But I was a better "woman" than she was back then. I let her keep some social dignity but she would never regain the standard of anyone's true friend.

In the years to follow, I have made new friends, lost friends, made enemies and some frenemies....but with each friend lost, something was gained. If we don't learn from these frenemies, then what is the point of having them. We all serve some purpose in life...even a frenemy!

That's just my two cents...but they count!

When is it Enough?

Breathe! Breathe! Is all I can think about! When I am angry there is this vicious cycle that run through my mind and I have to tell myself to breathe because if I don't I will just burst...spewing anything I can and taking out anyone in my path. So, I take the high road and have that talk with myself...reminding myself that I am a grown woman and I am better than that.

But, when is enough enough? When is it ok to just speak and say what's on my mind without someone bit@hing at me because I ruined something for them? Why can't I just be who I want to be without worrying about who someone else is or what they stand to lose?

Along my life, I have been tested too many times. I have acted on my feelings and let the truth out but when I did, my world was destroyed just a little more. I was hurt just a little more. Sure, there were moments of sheer bliss because the weight had been lifted off my shoulders. But just as fast as it was lifted, it came tumbling down that much heavier.

So, what moment in your life is when you realized it was enough and you didn't give two shyts what someone thought or said after the fact?

Some of the moments that I decided to let myself just be turned out to be some of the most tranquil times of my life. But then you ask yourself, is it cowardess of you to back down and turn away..ignore the bs and continue doing you? Or does it make you the bigger person?

Here's what I am thinking right now, I have placed myself in position that make myself open to pain and hurt. I have done the vengeful thing and I have done the ignoring thing...both offered me some gratitude and some peace of mind. But in the end, I have learned that even telling the truth comes with a price and sometimes its me that pays it and others just reap the benefits. So, screw it people, lie to those who do not want to truly understand and be truthful to those who really want to listen. But until then, guard your heart and allow only a chosen few to  know that truth.

That's just my two cents...but they count!

Hide and Seek

Remember when you were a child and you and your friends would run around playing hide and seek. Counting to 10 and saying, "Ready or Not, Here I Come!" And the search would begin....high and low...in closets, under tables, behind the curtains....those were the days that taught us all about playing it as a "grown up". Which brings me to my point...social media.

Here I am using social media to express myself and yet it can be seen as two fold. In one way, I am opening my mind to the world and on the other hand, I am exposing myself. How much information is too much? How do you chose who can view you? Do you hide purposely? I know for me, I have had create and deactivate many accounts...because of the drama it causes. Who would've thought a person's thoughts could be so misconstrued as to cause drama? So, I made a decision almost a year ago...I would not privatize my social media tools...facebook, twitter, blogger...I would keep it open because I was not afraid of my thoughts. I am allowed to write what I want and say what I want and those that don't like it...just shouldn't visit my pages. Am I wrong?

Don't get me wrong, you won't find pictures that would be hurtful, manipulative, vindictive or just for plain ole effect because my thoughts are my own, pictures are moments in time that cannot be truly seen. Because what might seem like a happy moment caught on film, could have been followed by a fight...So, I stick to my thoughts and write them down...

Do you play hide and seek? Are you super duper secured? Why? If your thoughts were only for you to read, why have a blog, or facebook, or twitter or any social media connection? I used to be guarded and one of those but then I realized many more people can benefit from some of my thoughts. I don't know, what do you think? This is just my two cents...but they count!

Where were you when it all happened?

So, today seems to be a day of reflection on the moments of 9/11 as we "celebrate" the death of America's Most Wanted Terrorist. People were out in the streets celebrated last night and chanting..."USA ,USA, USA!!!" I did not hear about all this till I woke up this morning and put on the news. Though there was a moment of relief it was immediately followed by a moment of panic. What's going to happen next? Will there be retaliation? Who will be his successor? Are my kids safe? And so many more questions....then it all came back to me, that day! That horrible day almost exactly ten years ago. Do you remember where you were? I do.

Ten years ago, I was a personal trainer and trained clients in NYC. That morning, I woke up at 530am and got myself ready to travel out to meet my clients in their home. My son, who was only 3 then, was with his daddy because I had an early work day and it made it easier. So, I got on the train and met my clients at 7am. When I finally left them after 830am, I walked to the train to head back, I was deciding whether to go back to my place or go be with my son and boyfriend. I get to the train station and make a spur of the moment decision and decide...go spend the day with my guys. Who knew that  decision would change the course of my existence. My train path went to Queens instead of through Lower Manhattan and home to Brooklyn. While on my train ride home, a pregnant woman got on with a coworker and was saying that her building sent everyone home. That there was some possible threat to the building and that they should all go home. I admit, I was eavesdropping on their conversation. Then my stop to transfer to the next train came, and they kept on that path. I get on the J train headed to Queens and make it as far as Jamaica Station. And the announcement went over the sound system..."All trains are being halted. No train will be coming or going. Indefinitely." Now, I am like oh geez, wth?! So, I walk out of the train station to find hundreds of people in the streets. I pick up my cell phone and try to dial my boyfriend, but I cannot get a line out. What is going on?! And then I start to listen to the people around me...the first tower had been struck! No one knew exactly what was happening...speculations were flying all over. I kept trying my cell and nothing! Then, by the grace of God, I look up and see a payphone...and what happens, it doesn't work! So, now I am in the middle of Jamaica and not sure how to get to my destination. I start walking and find myself in line with dozens of people waiting for a bus that I hope will get me closer to where I had to go! We are standing in line and someone is listening to a radio and the news of the second tower comes through...terrorists! OMG!! OMG!! What seemed like an eternity passed because the next thing I remember is the sound coming over the radio that the first tower had collapsed!!Collapsed!! Thank God the bus finally arrived and I continued to frantically call till I could get a signal out. On my way, I finally get through to someone, my boyfriends mother, she is in the bath when she heard the phone ringing...she had no idea what was happening. I told her turn on the tv!! She was shocked! I told her I was on my way there, to wake up my boyfriend, let him know I was ok and I was on my way. I got off the bus at Woodhaven Blvd, and needed to take another bus to get to my final destination. As I am waiting, I pick up my phone again and call my mom..she must be going crazy.  I get a line again ad she picks up hysterical...I tell her I'm okay Mom, I decided to come to Queens instead of going home...and she said Thank God...but then panic set in again..Chris, I heard from everyone except your brother and my heart sank!! What? Wait, doesn't he work right there?! Why hasn't he called?! All the worst scenarios hit me! And I panicked. I told her to calm down, though no part of me was calm, and that he was fine. I just knew he was fine. By the time I got to the house, everyone was awake and watching it on tv. It seemed to be the  longest day of my life. I hugged my son that day tighter and realized what precious people I had in my life. Hours and hours later, my brother finally calls! He is okay but he is devistated...he saw the whole thing from his office window. He had to walk through all that falling ash and chaos. But he finally made it to my mothers house. Thank you God was all I could say.

The days that followed were proving to be more and more devastating as the realization of what took place happened. Remember, how I said I was a personal trainer, well a few days later I had to go into the gym and it was then that something hit me. One of my personal clients was a event manager at Windows on the World. I didn't want to believe it....I said no, maybe I'm wrong maybe it was a different place she worked. Then I looked in my files and dialed her work number...and nada a dead line. I realized then that she was in that building. The internet became a place of information that lead to the discovery of my clients fiance asking if anyone has seen or heard from her to contact him. Wow...she was gone. With each day, more news of sad and happy moments. My high school best friends brother, was one of the first responders and he too had perished. But on a happy note, my cousin's wife was in the building and made it out in time...and weeks later she got the news they were pregnant. The overwhelming feeling of what if had overtaken us all but we were even more excited that this was the grace of God.

That was my story and where I was that day. All I can think about when I look back was, had I decided to just go home to my mom's house...I may not be here today. Because I would've  been stuck right in the middle of it all. That day was a renewal of love and family. Togetherness.

So, when I wake up this morning and hear that Osama is dead. And all these people jumping and cheering. It doesn't make me the least bit happy. It scares the hell out of me. Because even if he is gone, there is always someone waiting in the wind to do bigger and more destructive things than the man before him. I do not rest easy on this day that the nation cheers. I get on bended knees and I pray to God that no retaliation comes to us. That we do not lessen our fight and keep security at its all time high. That my children are safe in their schools. That my family and friends will not fall victim to vengeance.

We got one, but who's next? That's just my two cents....and it counts.