Saturday, May 7, 2011

When is it Enough?

Breathe! Breathe! Is all I can think about! When I am angry there is this vicious cycle that run through my mind and I have to tell myself to breathe because if I don't I will just burst...spewing anything I can and taking out anyone in my path. So, I take the high road and have that talk with myself...reminding myself that I am a grown woman and I am better than that.

But, when is enough enough? When is it ok to just speak and say what's on my mind without someone bit@hing at me because I ruined something for them? Why can't I just be who I want to be without worrying about who someone else is or what they stand to lose?

Along my life, I have been tested too many times. I have acted on my feelings and let the truth out but when I did, my world was destroyed just a little more. I was hurt just a little more. Sure, there were moments of sheer bliss because the weight had been lifted off my shoulders. But just as fast as it was lifted, it came tumbling down that much heavier.

So, what moment in your life is when you realized it was enough and you didn't give two shyts what someone thought or said after the fact?

Some of the moments that I decided to let myself just be turned out to be some of the most tranquil times of my life. But then you ask yourself, is it cowardess of you to back down and turn away..ignore the bs and continue doing you? Or does it make you the bigger person?

Here's what I am thinking right now, I have placed myself in position that make myself open to pain and hurt. I have done the vengeful thing and I have done the ignoring thing...both offered me some gratitude and some peace of mind. But in the end, I have learned that even telling the truth comes with a price and sometimes its me that pays it and others just reap the benefits. So, screw it people, lie to those who do not want to truly understand and be truthful to those who really want to listen. But until then, guard your heart and allow only a chosen few to  know that truth.

That's just my two cents...but they count!

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